Je ne sais pas

If you know what that means then congratulations, either you speak a bit of French or I know you in real life (IRL). If you don’t, well I don’t know either.
How would you feel if someone offered you an escape? The ability to drop everything you have and know, when you’re in the middle of a breakdown and hating your life and existence; and start over.
You would disappear from your place in life and without great effort never have to deal with it again. You could start over. Doesn’t it sound so nice? Imagine yourself hating yourself and everything in your life, now imagine being offer a ticket out. Would you take it?
…Don’t take it. Whatever you do, DO. NOT. TAKE. THE. TICKET. Because little do you know, there is a massive chance that things won’t be so perfect. You’ll open your eyes and realize how it wasn’t so bad and how truly lucky you were, and how now it’s gone and not coming back. It is the most miserable feeling that you will ever have. Especially since the ticket also doesn’t mention the two weeks alone before.
I recently switched schools. I went from a small private school called Wakefield, where the entire school, Pre-K to Senior Year, numbered about 450. I knew every single person in the high school on a first name basis and for most of it knew their last and nicknames too. I had loads of friends, and while 95% of them were not very close, I at least knew who they were. Not to mention the ones who were close. The ones who were more like dysfunctional family then friends. I say this because they weren’t all the same and didn’t always get along. I was friends with nerds, jocks, stoners, self-righteous “knights”, Bitchy girls, preppy girls, tomboys, you name it.
Now I’m alone. I am being switched over to Fhs (Fauquier High School). In this school, where the high school alone is 1,500 people, I know approximately three people. One of which I am not on very good terms with right now for a reason I don’t know, and I don’t really know the other two very well.
I was supposed to start two days ago, but of course get snow days. I normally love snow days, I get to stay inside and drink my tea, or practice the four-wheeler on ice (which is a very fun way to show off to people). But now I am wishing for it to all melt or have never come. I am terrified and just want to get this stupid thing over with.
I guess the moral of the rant is just that, even when your sitting there, and your miserable, and you are to the point where every time you see something sharp you wonder if you could slash your throat with it. Stop. Step back, and look at everything you have. I had a school were I had friends, a first in my life, a girl in the works, and basically a family; people who loved me. (Big deal for me because I don’t really have a family even though I have a mother and father) and now it’s all gone.
I have one of those friends who is switching over with me, the girl has basically reduced anything that would be there into a friends with benefits or nothing choice, and now I only really still talk to two people who I was close to at my old school, excluding this one kid who is beginning to get on my nerves who is always trying to hang out. And one of them can barely ever talk.
What did I give this all up for? For some easier schoolwork? To not have to fix things with the administration? No, I took the coward’s way out. Because I was too scared to stand up for myself and fix my grades and my relation with the administration, because I had lost my moral when they took theatre away from me. They took part of my life, and it happened to be crucial. I threw my hands in the air and shouted SAVE ME GOD DAMMIT. You know what they say, be careful what you wish for.
So hopefully I can get this first day shit over with tomorrow and have a friend or two in at least one of my classes. Chris has yet to introduce me to anyone but Jane and his brother so he’s no help right now. Whatever, he seemed to have not cared last time I called him so meh, we will see. If I lose him too, I am going to be pissed.

there's a rant for you :P